The Shyness and Social Anxiety System

“Social Anxiety (SA) is often based on the assumption that you are in some way weak, inferior, inadequate or less good that others, combined with the fear people will notice this (supposedly inherent) defect and disapprove of you.

“And the disapproval will have dire consequences for your ability to get on with people and to feel you belong.

“Because of their fear of disapproval, people with SA react to situations where they think they will experience disapproval or rejection in the same way that most people would react to real danger.

“They may experience physical or mental symptoms.
”

Sean Cooper explains on his program site:

The Shyness and Social Anxiety System

I’m actually a pretty normal guy, who went through a point where I decided that I needed to finally figure out how to get rid of my social anxiety and shyness.

I won’t bore you with the details, but I was going through a time where I had just moved to a new city… and I realised my inner issues were making me feel completely alone and isolated. I had no friends or romantic relationships. One night I said to myself “I am going to figure this out for myself, no matter what it takes”.

Well, it wasn’t exactly easy to “figure it out”. I spent the next few years reading a lot of books, listening to “motivational tapes”, going to seminars, and generally trying out a lot of whacky ideas that I was learning.

I quickly found out that most of the information on overcoming shyness and social anxiety out there was not only bad … it was worse than useless!

Having Social Anxiety Sucks!

You’re not able to to do and enjoy many of the same thing that other, “normal,” people take for granted.

You can’t deal with meeting new people.
It’s hard to get any type of job.
It seems next to impossible to try to form any close friendships and relationships with people.
Public speaking is the worst thing imaginable.

And the list could go on and on.

Believe me, I know how bad it is to have social anxiety because that is exactly how I used to be.

Notice how I said “used” to be. I figured out a way to destroy social anxiety FOR GOOD.

I no longer feel social anxiety in most social situations. Sure, I still get anxious occasionally, but that’s only at times when anyone would get reasonably anxious. And I never get overwhelmed by anxiety like I used to.

Once I found the “cure” for social anxiety, my life was never the same.

And no, it doesn’t have anything to do with taking prescription drugs or doing some type of weird hypnosis or new age rubbish.

The cure I found is completely natural, proven effective, and based on the most cutting edge neurological science.

http://anxietyreliefsolutions.com/925/the-shyness-and-social-anxiety-system/

The Science Of Emotional Intelligence

It’s a hot-buzz topic that covers everything from improving workplace performance and successfully climbing the corporate ladder to building the happiest of marriages to ending school bullying.

But what exactly is Emotional Intelligence (EI)? If we lack it, can we learn it? And how do we know if our EI is high or low? Is it only high if we’re really, really nice?

Three scholarly researchers – including University of Cincinnati Psychology Professor Gerry Matthews – delved into the science of EI and published “What We Know About Emotional Intelligence: How it Affects Learning, Work, Relationships, and Our Mental Health.”

Published by MIT Press (2009), the book was recently awarded the American Publishers Award for Professional and Scholarly Excellence – the PROSE Awards – in the biological and life sciences category of biomedicine and neuroscience.

The book is co-authored by Matthews, Moshe Zeidner (University of Haifa) and Richard D. Roberts (Center for New Constructs, Educational Testing Service, Princeton, N.J.).

MIT Press promotions describe EI as the “ability to perceive, regulate and communicate emotions – to understand emotions in ourselves and others.”

Workplaces want to test for it to find the most EI-talented employees, and consultants are touting training and EI tests to improve productivity. “In the popular writings, EI tends to be defined very broadly and one can’t proceed with scientific research with such a vague and broad definition,” Matthews says.

Matthews’ research interests have explored how stress, mood and coping ability can affect performance on tests, in the workplace and on the highway.

He adds that amid the grim economy, even the people who have jobs are feeling high levels of stress in the workplace and are feeling more challenged by workplace demands and concerns about job security. In general terms, those who can roll with the punches – with a shrug and a smile – may have higher Emotional Intelligence.

Then again, “The intimate association of personality and emotion sets a trap for researchers interested in Emotional Intelligence,” writes Matthews.

“It might seem that happy, calm states of mind should be seen as the person imbued with high Emotional Intelligence. However, such emotional tendencies may be no more than a consequence of biases in brain functioning or information-processing routines operating without insight or ‘intelligence.’

“Some individuals – in part because of their DNA – are simply fortunate in being prone to pleasant moods, so it follows that emotional states do not alone provide an index of Emotional Intelligence,” Matthews states in the book.

In fact, Matthews says he’s skeptical that people who are better at managing stress hold higher Emotional Intelligence, but as the researchers found as they tried to narrow down the science of Emotional Intelligence, more research is needed.

For instance, is someone with higher EI in the workplace more productive, or are they just better at self-promotion and forming positive relationships with co-workers?

Matthews says he believes EI appears to be very modestly related to workplace performance, and could turn out to be nothing more than a business fad.

He adds the researchers are also skeptical about all of those EI tests, particularly those self-assessments. After all, people could be rating themselves the way they see themselves or the way they would like to be seen, and not like they actually are.

Currently, authors Matthews and Roberts are researching the testing of EI through video scenarios. The situation judgment test involves watching the videos unfold a challenging situation, and then the video comes to a stop and offers different options for resolving the problem.

Matthews is building on his earlier research which explored whether negative moods affected good decision making abilities. “Through the video project, the idea is to see if emotionally intelligent people are better able to make rational decisions under stress,” he says.

The researchers are also examining the link between EI and school social and emotional learning programs.

http://talentdevelop.com/3225/the-science-of-emotional-intelligence/

Creative Talent: Genetics, A Muse, Or Hard Work?

How we think about having and developing abilities can have a strong impact on actually using our talents.

For example, if we think creative expression has to wait for inspiration from a muse, or that there are only a few “chosen” geniuses with exceptional “gifts” in computer graphics, fashion design, writing or whatever, and think we aren’t one of those few, we may not even explore our potential abilities well enough to create something worthwhile.

In his Demon Muse post A Brief History of the Daimon (and the Genius), Matt Cardinpresents a rich overview of concepts related to creative inspiration and entities such as muses.

He writes, “In Hellenistic Rome (circa 4th – 1st centuries BCE), the word genius, like the Greek daimons, referred to spirit beings in general — and also, tangentially (and interestingly), had a direct connection to the word genie, which itself came somehow from the ancient Persian desert demons known as djinnee.

He notes the idea of the personal genius evolved to mean “the individual attendant spirit that accompanies a person and represents his or her divine intelligence and inbuilt life pattern.”

With “the outburst of Renaissance-style and Enlightenment-style humanism in the 15th through the 18th centuries… genius as a guiding and inspiring separate spirit morphed rather suddenly  into a perceived quality of extraordinary intellectual intelligence and/or artistic giftedness possessed by only a few titanic and heroic people.

“This was a significant reversal, since it meant the idea of genius went from referring to a separate force that guided and, in effect, occasionally possessed people to referring to a special inner quality that people themselves possessed.”

http://talentdevelop.com/2658/creative-talent-genetics-a-muse-or-hard-work/

The fear of being authentic and unique

I have often admired prominent people in the arts who have unique, even flamboyant personalities and appearances, and seem, at least in public, to be courageously different.

And one of my areas of self-limiting thinking is to say to myself something like, “They must have had an upbringing or genes that lets them be so forthright and assertive.”

But of course, as much as genes may play a role in personalty and anxiety, we are amazingly pliant and resilient, and able to grow and change – if we are willing to face our fears in doing so.

Inner Creative Battles

[Photo: Emily Browning as Babydoll in the movie Sucker Punch (2011), who has been put in a mental institution by her abusive stepfather. Retreating to a dream world as a coping strategy, she uses a katana sword and a handgun to battle giant samurai warriors, among other foes and inner fears.]

In his book The War of Art: Winning the Inner Creative Battle, Steven Pressfield writes about a number of challenges we may face as creative people, including our fear that we can transcend the mundane, to “become the person we sense in our hearts we truly are.”

He thinks “This is the most terrifying prospect a human being can face,” because it removes them (they imagine) from all the “tribal inclusions” their “psyche is wired for and has been for fifty million years.”

And it is also about being exceptional, he writes:

“We fear discovering that we are more than we think we are. More than our parents/children/teachers think we are.

“We fear that we actually possess the talent that our still, small voice tells us. That we actually have the guts, the perseverance, the capacity.”

[Photo from stevenpressfield.com]

Creativity coach and author Eric Maisel also writes about battling creative blocks, especially limiting thinking.

“When a thought that doesn’t serve you lingers, actively combat it. Some thoughts just won’t go away. Maybe it’s ‘No one wanted my first novel, and my second novel is an even more difficult sell, so why in heaven’s name am I writing it?’

“You may not be able to get rid of this thought simply by snapping your fingers. Then do more than snap your fingers. Fight the thought tooth and nail. Maybe you’ll have to write out the ten reasons why this book may be wanted. Maybe you’ll have to chat seriously with yourself about self-publishing. You must battle brooding, clinging, disabling thoughts — or else you will be thinking them regularly.”

http://developingmultipletalents.com/223/the-fear-of-being-authentic-and-unique/

Change your habits, change your life. The real secret to getting what you want

My goal with this video was to simplify paradigms, so you can more fully understand what’s controlling your behavior.

If you want to get better results in any area of your life, it is very important that you understand paradigms. So to make sure you’re really clear, let’s look at this concept from another perspective—the four stages of competence.

You’ve probably heard of these stages before. They suggest that we are initially unaware of how little we know (Stage 1). Then, as we recognize our incompetence, we begin to consciously learn a skill (Stage 2) and consciously use it (Stage 3). Eventually, we can use the skill without having to consciously think it through (Stage 4).

Now let’s take a look at each of these stages in relation to paradigms:

1) Unconscious Incompetence

When it comes to producing the results they want, most people are at the unconscious incompetence stage…

For starters, they’re unaware of the power I talked about in the video. So when this power enters their conscious mind, they automatically build an X idea that is in harmony with their X paradigm. Consequently, they get an X result, which is the type of result they’ve been programmed to get.

Not only do these individuals not know how to get a different result, they aren’t even aware that a different result—a better result—is possible for them. So they go through life thinking things like, “This is just the way it is. I’ll never be wealthy.” And they live out their life controlled by their paradigm.

2) Conscious Incompetence

Many people who are on the personal development path are at this stage. Now they are aware of the power that is coming in and that they can choose a new idea—a Y idea.

While they may intellectually choose a Y idea, they don’t understand how to “build” it. In other words, they don’t know how to—or they simply don’t—impress the new idea on their subconscious mind. So the paradigm remains unchanged, and even though they want a different result, they stay in an X vibration and continue to get X results.

3) Conscious Competence

At this stage, individuals understand how to build a Y idea, but they really have to concentrate on impressing it on their subconscious mind. They’re in an uncomfortable vibration because the Y idea is not in harmony with their X paradigm.

They must will themselves to move through the terror barrier, and keep impressing the new idea until it changes their paradigm. Then, the new Y idea in their subconscious mind changes their vibration, which changes their behavior and they finally attract the results they want.

4) Unconscious Competence

Now, this is where the magic really happens…

These individuals have had so much practice building positive ideas (Y ideas) that it has become “second nature.” And as a result, they able to earn millions of dollars; they maintain healthy bodies, and they develop loving relationships—with seemingly effortless ease.

http://www.proctorgallagherinstitute.com/6777/change-your-habits-change-your-life

It's Time for a Global Awakening

For as far as we’ve come with the modern conveniences in the world, there is much we have yet to understand as a people. We often act as though only humankind has a spiritual essence, but as I pointed out in the video, nothing could be further from the truth.

Dozens of cases, for example, prove that plants have a spirit. In one well-known study, a man, his wife, their children and a colleague moved to Findhorn Bay Caravan Park in Scotland. Once there, they set out to create a small garden.

Well, the site sat on sand and gravel so it was the last place most people would have chosen to start a garden. But they didn’t let that stop them.

You see, they didn’t care about man’s wisdom. They got their guidance from God, always acted out of love and understood our connection with all of nature. They not only knew how to talk to nature, they knew how to listen to it.

As a result, what began as an intention to create a small garden turned into something far bigger than they had expected…

The small family plot became the acclaimed Findhorn Garden, a flourishing landscape with over 128 varieties of vegetables, fruits, and herbs.

You see, the people who created and took care of the garden were aware that all forms of life seek to express the fullness of their identity. They also understood that the unfolding of human consciousness cannot be separated from the unfolding of the total environment in which it finds expression. Both must grow, or neither can grow.

That’s the kind of expanded awareness we all need as a people to draw us into a new vision of us and nature in collaboration.

Once you really get that all life is a part of you and you are a part of it, you’ll start to send love to every person, plant, animal and thing. And when you do that, you will reveal your true essence and that of everything around you.

http://www.proctorgallagherinstitute.com/6988/its-time-for-a-global-awakening

How to Create Positive Affirmations that Work

Some people say that affirmations don’t work, but the truth is, they just don’t know how to use them correctly.

Every thought you think and every word you speak is an affirmation. You’re using affirmations in every moment—whether you know it or not. Unfortunately, much of what you are affirming is negative… and that doesn’t create good experiences for you.

But you can create positive affirmations and use them to either help eliminate something from your life or help create something new in your life.

But how do you do that? How do you come up with affirmations that allow you to consciously create your life in a way that supports and pleases you?

Very carefully.

You see, words have a very strong effect on the subconscious mind so you must choose them wisely, and make the statement relatively short and simple. Because, although the subconscious mind is extremely powerful, it perceives things in a very straightforward way.

Also, read your affirmation with as much belief and emotion as you can. Emotion is extremely powerful because it raises your vibrational state and makes the attraction process much faster and more efficient. And, of course, you should repeat it often to prime your mind for maximum success.

Now, to help you create powerful affirmations that can put you on a totally new path in life, let’s take a close look at one of Bob’s affirmations that has proven to be VERY effective:

“I am so happy and grateful now that money is coming to me in increasing amounts, through multiple sources, on a continuous basis.”

Let’s break down each part of the affirmation to see why it works so well:

First, “I am so happy and grateful now that…”

This phrase is a powerful introduction to any good affirmation or goal because it immediately puts you into the positive vibration that is necessary to attract the good that you want to show up in your life. A happy and grateful mind amplifies your ability to manifest your desires. As you read the affirmation, feel happy NOW that you are already in possession of your desire.

Second, “Money comes to me…”

This is your request or the demand you are placing on the universe. Notice that it is a very clear command that eliminates confusion in the subconscious mind. When you make your request, don’t worry about how it’s going to come to you. Just accept and expect that the money is coming to you in some way, shape or form. Let the universe handle the details.

Next, “In increasing quantities, through multiple sources…”

These words blow away any limits you may have consciously or unconsciously put on the amount of money coming to you. They give your mind permission to dream really big, thereby allowing your manifestation to materialise in the fullest. You do not have to set a specific target amount of money. The important thing is to feel joyful feelings after you say or think the words. Remember, you don’t need to know how the money will come, only that it will.

And finally… “On a continuous basis.”

This ending phrase impresses into the subconscious mind that you want this to be a permanent condition—that you want and deserve an abundant life where you always have plenty of money.

Go over this process a few times until you really understand the principles. Then start to create positive affirmations that work wonders in your life.

http://www.proctorgallagherinstitute.com/6997/how-to-create-positive-affirmations-that-work

My Reputation with Me

I was a nerd before being a nerd was a good thing.

In elementary school I was always the last chosen for the team, made fun of for no particular reason, and had trouble making friends. I never knew why, but for some reason I was rejectable and didn’t measure up.  Since I assumed that my peers must know the truth, I began to define myself through their eyes, and my negative self-esteem was born.

For most of my childhood, adolescence and early adult years I struggled with feeling awkward, less valuable than others, and not liking myself.  The attitude of my classmates became my self-fulfilling prophecy.

Then, in my mid 30’s I became aware of the fact that I had friends who actually liked me, and that I was successful in many areas of my life. My self-esteem began to improve as I realized that the opinions of the kids in grade school were more about them and their insecurities than about me.

The wounded little girl, who had been inside of me for so long, saw that those kids from years past were wrong.  I wasn’t rejectable after all!  I began to understand that even though I’m not perfect (of course, nobody is), I’m still OK.  I’m a good person with many great qualities.  And my self-esteem grew some more.

I learned that it was up to me to look inside of myself and define who I am.  My self-worth doesn’t come from using others as a mirror.  It comes from looking within.  With this new perspective, I began to appreciate the loveable, capable, competent person I am, and my self-esteem continued to grow.

Now, many years later, I’m very happy being me.  This doesn’t mean there’s no room for improvement.  It means that even with my flaws, I know I’m a loveable, valuable human being.

I’m so glad to be where I am instead of where I was.  Good self-esteem is the cornerstone of a healthy, happy life.  When I didn’t have it, life was difficult.  Now that I have it, I know I’m capable and strong enough to deal with whatever may come my way.

So, this month I’m reflecting on how painful life without positive self-esteem can be.  I’m hoping that all those who haven’t yet discovered their value as a unique and wonderful person, will be able to step away from their negative self-talk and the opinions of others, and see themselves as the beautiful people they are.

http://www.proctorgallagherinstitute.com/4967/my-reputation-with-me